The pain of the wife's 20 years has not been once kissed by her husband as passionately as the way he married

Me and he study together from level 2, high school still study together. At the University, we did not attend the same class but remained at the same school. I liked him silently at the end of middle school but I didn't dare to speak out of fear and thought I was still focused on studying. He also knows my feelings but doesn't say anything. Still consider me a normal friend.

In high school and college, I was followed by a lot of people. In it, there are many good-looking and conditional houses, but I do not love anyone because I still love him from my childhood. By the time they entered the University, he had just started to like me. After graduation from school for 1 year, we got married.

He said: 'I feel lucky to get my wife who loves me more than I love. Don't be sad, it's not my love less. It's just that my love for you is too great. '

I don't need to know, never calculated more than this. That day I only knew, love is love, I don't need to know who loves more, how much more love will be suffered . What is thought is extremely simple then.

My mother knew everything and understood her daughter. She said: 'I have to think very carefully, with my personality, I will suffer afterwards. Whatever you love, whatever you want, but you should take your lover more. Maybe women will take care of you. '

I ignore all my ears, just follow my heart to tell me, my reason to calculate later. Husband is my first love, also the last love, even the only love affair. Still knowing that is foolish, marginalized, but basically I can't force myself to do anything differently. My friends kept saying: 'You are really foolish, you will lose all your youth, the youth is so boring and tasteless'.

I know, but I have chosen to try my best. But happiness is not so simple. I discovered that my husband had a baby when he gave birth to his first child at 16 days old. I accidentally read the message he sent to her when she was sick: 'I wish the sick person was me, I want to take care of the pain I am suffering .'.

I was dumbfounded, my heart was like someone choked up . But because I was too young, because I loved him, I decided to ignore it. It was the first time I felt hurt by my choice.

For the second time, he told me to give him 500 million in total to do business with you, but in fact, he gave it to the child to add to the car. At that time, I just gave birth to my second child, my son and my grandparents were precious as gold. Again I closed my eyes. I think: Money does it again, the family is noble sacred. Saying forgiveness to my husband that my heart hurts, the old scar has not yet added a new wound .

The third time I was beaten jealously, my arms and legs bruised, my face was completely closed. Physical pain plus mental pain I decided to apply for divorce. On court, the court asked my eldest daughter to stand in front of the court to follow her father or follow her mother. The girl is coming to adolescence, crying and crying and crying, I can't afford to hurt her, bring back the application.

From that moment on, I chose to let go, if I wanted to do whatever I wanted, I would do it. He came back to his family, but the close relationship was completely unavailable. Since then, I have not had a husband kissed my lips once, not once did I open my mouth to demand a close relationship with my wife. Is it only from my side.

I do not blame anyone, do not blame anything, just blame myself, after how many injuries I still love my husband. I myself always wish my heart would be more open to be able to accept another person, simply to have an arm around me, a true kiss. Am I too foolish?