Recently, in a "củm" dating, boyfriend led me away spa. This seems not so much. Esalen is a group therapy and meditation help "integrate body, mind, spirit, your heart". It's totally good but I just want to do the nail.
I hate to be naked in public
In the first night, the guy who led me to where I like best: There is a large outdoor swimming pool built on a ledge, looking straight out of the ocean blue, just like in the picture postcard-very romantic. The boyfriend told me: "Oh, they are all great, first bath right?". I seemed to freeze into ice. Are naked, I never naked in a public place. Not ever.
That's not the issue of the image of normal appearance. I do not look like it will be ready for nudity. Have to say is I used to suffer from obesity. At the time of the peak, I weigh up to 120 kg. On the new year about 2 years old, what I started to lose weight and reduce by about 50 pounds. I often imagine the weight it would like a scenes in the movie the Little Mermaid Princess Ariel, when that get new legs and stared at it in disbelief. My case is not like that.
Don't get my wrong: I still totally happy for reduced weight. The fact that I finished the job that I've always thought that truth. But the pictures of before and after weight loss that you see in the newspapers that are the lies. After the weight loss, I have a pile of excess skin that I can be squeezed to the side and pull it up to 12 cm in length by adequate direction.
Excess skin after weight loss and plastic surgery
Initially, I tried to improve the vulnerable skin by moisturizing creams and types of exercise. Finally, I must also curious to the Salon. Most of these pictures were taken 1 month before surgery and 2 months after surgery. "After my" last up to 7 years. I suddenly remembered the feeling when there is excess skin pile have made themselves lose confidence to this level. And I think that he will feel better if this skin pile disappear.
I have about 4 surgeries. I padded added his ageing breasts and firming the body. 2 years later I am back to the salon to conduct body firming. They decided to cut away the skin in the skin around the 15 cm and sew them together. In total, losing nearly 6 loss excess skin. I also do leather stretch thigh. They slit from the knee to the groin and tried to get as much excess skin as possible.
To recover, I should be in the doldrums on the bed about 1 month with extended legs. And now I've had a long scar running around the waist as if a magician sawing my double medium plus 2 scars around the legs as sugar yarn. Even the Salon couldn't get more of my skin again. Now when I dang 2 arms and 2 legs, looks I still like a flying squirrel. I have both the large crack running from the shoulder down and a pile of excess skin hanging in the shoulders and calves. When lean down, chest I charm down the empty ball bag.
That is why I do not like nudity in front of others.
There is enough reason for me not to be able to show off the body in front of other people
But then I also to be naked. I dimly lit patio and steps out naked, in public. For the first time from when mature. My body is definitely not the type of body that usually found in the spa. I was surrounded by people that you can often find in the advanced yoga class in Los Angeles. When going between them I saw horrible dismay.
When I don't feel comfortable, look my face big traumatic events, thộn stupid, obviously. Go running around in a group, bath in a hot full of beautiful people, I'm back with the inferiority from junior high school, eyeball the hot woman. To cheer myself, I thought of a song and sing silently in the beginning when stepping through them.
I have to look to a more private place
You boys have never seen me act like eccentric and gặng asked me whether there is okay. I just look at him eyes and expression as a dilapidated condemned brewed teenager. After 10 minutes of fighting, I can not endure more and leave the right to individual baths. I swim in the bathtub, to submerge his country lanes. All that is lacking now is covered, except for a perfectly smooth white knee that is jutting out of the water.
I don't have too many beautiful memories about her body as fat. I very rarely see it. When the mirror, I usually only see his face. While still a freshman, I'm too fat to the point of when to take a shower, I couldn't shake out of his body in the water. I still remember the times my whole body was covered by water except for the white belly to phều tent, on the water. I look at it and decide it certainly will not be a part of my body. I usually call it an island. Then I took the bottle of shampoo and bottle the oil discharge small put them on "the island" and pretend like it's a heterosexual couples met on the island. And they love each other. I keep playing in the bath as a child. It's not a sad anniversary but it calls for me to remember the feeling when I was a fat girl, as an island.
At present I'm joined on the world of people with average size. This does not mean that I have changed. When sitting in the bath, I started thinking about all the things I did to my body: hate it, hide it, starving it. Cut it. Hurt it. Healing. A promise to ourselves that every time I look at that SCAR, I feel grateful for my body. And then forget about it? How would I still have to wrestle with this, I think. How do I catch the đầulại from the start, trying to have a relationship with her own body?.
How do I know my body better than yours
I think the problem here is in the work you love and accept her body or trying to find how to change it. I'm not totally in this case or I exist both thoughts at once. I try to accept myself, but I have to fight, with that. I want to have a nice body (but I don't want to go exercise). And weight fluctuations, irreversible way.
A friend has pointed out in the picture the past, the times that we are happiest when the slender body. And she's absolutely right. In the summer that I used it as the happiest period of my life, it really is too bad. That time I had just shattered a love affair and it seems like I'm unhappy. But I'm happy because the body was able to lean. That moment seemed to freeze everything and I want to tell the whole world the application going to know is: I'm beautiful. This takes place in 2 seconds only.
Returning to the present, I leave the bathroom and to integrate the same group of people and consulting with an expert. The strange thing is that the people who have beautiful formation that I saw when they nude the night before, they also have to struggle with the same things to me.
This really affect me. I gradually step out of the spiral of hate and disgraced with himself.
I do not know you but I am really sick must strive to beautiful. It occupies about 10 or 20% of the time during the entire 20 years of my life. It made me progressively ignore what's important as love , what is true in life. I honestly think that we should learn to love yourself. It is also a disease that I have to try hard to pass.=