The mind of a son

Hello readers. I would like to introduce myself, I'm a girl this year already 29 years old working for a foreign business. My work is currently developing very good incomes in relatively high presence also should my physical life temporarily satisfied ... but I'm still missing something that's family shelters. I was born in a context not as fortunate son, a family only to have her mother without her father. He-who I called my dad who I did not know the face, just listen to my mother that he took the life of the mother and daughter "away" to leave my mom alone with a belly full of suffering along how much the eye pry, dè bỉu, contempt of the person's life. So, I was born like that, born of suffering the humiliation of the mistreatment of the mother, the loneliness of the deprivation itself. Childhood, I always live in lũi cheap contempt pretences of your friends and your neighbors to exit, where I also get people attached to two "wild child". The kids in the neighborhood don't let me play with that ever even longer or bullying me because I never get the protection, surrounded by the father. A little larger, a little selfish thoughts he no longer flood, you've also started to play with me but in thinking deep down in their soul and their families remains an invisible gap would not close not familiar.

Was 20 years old when still a student I once had a boyfriend who loves me is a smart guy, modern ... you loved me, sympathy for me and can accept all that bad luck belonged to our family, the love of us lasted for three years until the day off school. But when we officially launched two families they've home family vehemently opposes just because I'm a "wild child" don't cha. His mother said, you must choose between me and my mother, and he chose the mother. We have separated out the misery, when both still love each other. This is a huge shock for me, and it always reminds me of myself as a "wild child". I don't have the right to enjoy happiness as others. And it made me scared, afraid of becoming acquainted with someone, again afraid to debut and fear of being opposed. Fear of separation. I've been too keenly suffering of a "wild child" and painfully realized that the absence of a father in his life is an incredibly big loss thing, nothing could compensate. I think, as I also get a father even though he has a worse evil, psychotic, or crazy, the silhouette he also exist in my life and I will love him immensely. I did not lose his love, not being the eternal scorn and I would have been happy. Now the love in my heart have cooled, never dare I think to find love, happiness for myself again although next I still have a lot of guys Chase. But just think of the scene, they found people pry, me, calling me baby is not the father of my self-esteem back rise. There were many nights I also think about this, the life of the underprivileged, the loss that I had to suffer, undergo during the days of his childhood and have grown I still are facing. I have choose for himself a private life, family life, not my husband because I was very afraid after this I again faced with what her mother had ever experienced. Whether in the deep soul I still want a family shelters. And more than ever, I understand how important fathers in my life. Lanpx ...  =